Of the ordinary & the extraordinary.

there are just so many things that i keep to myself. many things that i don't share even with close friends. i've learnt, yet in a hard way that it isn't good to be like this but it seems i haven't learnt my lesson yet.

i don't know, there are days when i'll just accept the fact, the reality. and then there are days when i'll go all feeling blue about it and have negative thoughts like how i'm feeling right now.

maybe it's because i do envy others of where they are and what they are now? and because i wallow in self pity sometimes? and sometimes when i have these thoughts, i'll think about how fortunate i am, than others. fortunate enough of being able to live normally without any physical disabilities, to have a good family and friends.

and at times, i hate myself for being who i am. i'm being so ill disciplined yet i don't even know it or maybe i just don't acknowledge it. and the worse feeling ever, must be the feeling of regret. life is full regrets aye? regret about this and that.i so hate myself for not doing what i can. for not making the best out of situations.

and then i'll go thinking about negative things and wallow in self pity.