dear blog,
it feels weird writing like this. but what the heck anyway. i'm still up at this hour wallowing in self pity and the feelings i'm feeling right now. i'm stubborn i know, i would have learnt my lesson one would say. after my late night movies and late bedtime last night, i should have known better than to have stayed up late and screwed my day up. cause it resulted in stupidity!
were the couple of mistakes i made carelessness or what? they came one after another. it always bother me what others think of me. at the back of me head, im sure they're thinking i was so stupid today. oh gosh, here i am feeling paranoid now. i so felt like running away the moment i felt so stupid. well since that was quite impossible to do i thought maybe an easier way out of the situation was to stuff my head in a plastic bag.
i had wondered why was i so stupid and muddleheaded today. then i thought maybe i was jinxed by the taxi driver whom i didnt pay for the taxi fare cause i thought he accept nets since most cabs do accept them. when i came back from the marathon run to the atm machine, he was gone. so there, maybe he was being kind and gave me a free lift and jinxed me. haha! joking!
it was a blessing that i worked in that line and experience work there. im not cut out for the job after all. cause i feel pressured, and when under pressured, i tend to be quiet and aloof. so i can't be myself. i miss the good o'l days when i was noisy and all. and i think i just can't handle situations very well.
that's it! i can't handle them properly. and now, i seriously dont feel like working at all tomorrow. i dont want to face the chef, the manager, and my colleagues. need to hide my face. why?
cause oh the humiliation, the humiliation! and im sure they think im stupid and all. oh gosh. but if i should quit halfway like this because of how i feel about mistakes, it would show that im being cowardly and giving up. and admiting defeat.
but how to? how to move on. im losing my confidence. which is what i need. and of course i would need God. i admit i havent been really putting my trust in Him. i just gotta pray.
it feels weird writing like this. but what the heck anyway. i'm still up at this hour wallowing in self pity and the feelings i'm feeling right now. i'm stubborn i know, i would have learnt my lesson one would say. after my late night movies and late bedtime last night, i should have known better than to have stayed up late and screwed my day up. cause it resulted in stupidity!
were the couple of mistakes i made carelessness or what? they came one after another. it always bother me what others think of me. at the back of me head, im sure they're thinking i was so stupid today. oh gosh, here i am feeling paranoid now. i so felt like running away the moment i felt so stupid. well since that was quite impossible to do i thought maybe an easier way out of the situation was to stuff my head in a plastic bag.
i had wondered why was i so stupid and muddleheaded today. then i thought maybe i was jinxed by the taxi driver whom i didnt pay for the taxi fare cause i thought he accept nets since most cabs do accept them. when i came back from the marathon run to the atm machine, he was gone. so there, maybe he was being kind and gave me a free lift and jinxed me. haha! joking!
it was a blessing that i worked in that line and experience work there. im not cut out for the job after all. cause i feel pressured, and when under pressured, i tend to be quiet and aloof. so i can't be myself. i miss the good o'l days when i was noisy and all. and i think i just can't handle situations very well.
that's it! i can't handle them properly. and now, i seriously dont feel like working at all tomorrow. i dont want to face the chef, the manager, and my colleagues. need to hide my face. why?
cause oh the humiliation, the humiliation! and im sure they think im stupid and all. oh gosh. but if i should quit halfway like this because of how i feel about mistakes, it would show that im being cowardly and giving up. and admiting defeat.
but how to? how to move on. im losing my confidence. which is what i need. and of course i would need God. i admit i havent been really putting my trust in Him. i just gotta pray.
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